U.S.—Americans in some states are finally starting to feel normal again, now that stay-at-home orders are being lifted. Children are at the park again, adults are back at the bar, and the elderly continue to play bingo at 4 p.m. sharp on a daily basis.
But there's one thing that has everybody feeling at a near-peak level of normal: conservatives are going to work while liberals stay at home and do nothing—just like always.
"We can now say with undeniable certainty that these are normal times," explained social psychologist Ben O'Reilly as he handed a hippie a twenty-dollar bill. "Conservatives are once again doing all the hard work to keep the economy afloat, while liberals sit at home, pretend to be sick with the Coronavirus, and collect government paychecks. Congratulations America, you are back to normal!"
While some conservatives are upset that liberals get to stay home and mooch off of them, most say they don’t even care anymore.
“I just want to get back to work,” said Jared Renfro, an electrician from Wisconsin. “If liberals don't want to work, hey, more power to them. I don't mind paying their bills.” Renfro then polished his "Trump 2020" bumper sticker and hopped in his truck.
“I do love liberals, though,” he admitted as he started the engine. “Without them, what would we have to complain about?"
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.