MOUNT CARMEL — The demon known as "Baal" returned from a bathroom break only to find all of 450 of his prophets dead.
Watching as all of Israel proclaimed that "The Lord is God," Baal later admitted that he had picked a really, really bad time to go relieve himself.
"Sorry, guys, I really had to go — woah, what happened here?" said Baal, sheepishly surveying the slaughtered corpses of his former prophets. "Whoopsie. You know, I thought I might have heard someone screaming for me. Goodness, they really cut themselves with their own swords, didn't they? Yikes. There were some magazines in the little basket by the toilet, and I, uh, just got a bit distracted in there. That's my bad."
Shortly before being summarily executed, the prophets of Baal had become increasingly frustrated by how long the demon liked to sit on the pot. "What does he even do in there?" sighed Yaqarum, prophet of Baal, shortly before being run through with a lance. "Did he fall in? I don't understand how it can take that long to use the hopper. It's getting ridiculous, to be honest."
At publishing time, Baal had again come back from the bathroom only to find his prophetess Jezebel thrown out the window and trampled by horses.
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