Archaeologists Uncover Glitter Still In Early Church Carpet From VBS Held In 150 A.D.
Church · Nov 13, 2022 ·

JERUSALEM — Archaeologists have discovered glitter still hopelessly stuck in the carpet dating back to the first known Vacation Bible School in the year 150 A.D.

"Yeah, that's not coming out," said lead archaeologist Dr. Samuel Higgins. "Nearly two millennia after the VBS ended, the unmitigated disaster visited upon that carpet still looks like it just happened yesterday."

While scholars debated the origin of the glittered carpet, Dr. Higgins said the evidence is quite clear. "The combination of glue, goldfish crumbs and glitter is unmistakable," he said. "Any VBS volunteer would recognize the signs in an instant. Some poor volunteer had a rough, rough go of it in this very room."

Despite the many technological advancements since the first Vacation Bible School, experts continue to remain utterly baffled as to how to remove glitter from carpet. "Some chemists have posited that the mixture of carpet and glitter actually produces a new, as of yet unidentified element," said Dr. Kenneth Reid. "The element seems to have interesting properties of resisting all forms of vacuuming and chemical breakdown. Interestingly, it also appears to have the unusual property of engendering unhinged rage in organic matter that draws near to it."

Further excavation revealed the theme of the first VBS to be an ill-fated choice, "Colosseum Capers".

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