CUPERTINO, CA — Apple has added an exciting new reality show to its streaming lineup which will follow the Clintons around as they murder anyone who might have dirt on them.
"Get in the car! We're going suiciding!" yelled Hillary Clinton to her daughter as the cameras began rolling. "You got the snacks, right? Faking a hanging always makes me hungry. Bodies are so heavy!"
Each show will follow the Clinton ladies as they track down and kill someone who could possibly turn on them. "Watching them assassinate people is like watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel," said cameraman Jan Blagojevich. "Absolute masters. Every week, you get to see a new way that the Clintons plant evidence to frame the death as a suicide, or perhaps a lover's quarrel. It's simply breathtaking."
Producers hatched the idea after seeing the ratings Clinton scored with her hanging of Jeffrey Epstein. "If you look at the demographic breakdown, Epstein's murder was nothing less than a crossover smash," said Apple showrunner Cory Gates. "This show has true crime, politics, everything. The best part is at the end of each episode when you get to see how the news reported on the apparent 'suicide'. Oh hang on, I'm getting a call! Looks like the Clintons are on the move again."
At publishing time, reporters on the ground say that show producer Cory Gates and cameraman Jan Blagojevich sadly died when their car exploded from a faulty spark plug.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
