WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another serious breach of White House security this week, Hunter Biden was discovered to still be living in a toolshed on the White House lawn.
This discovery of Hunter residing in the shed comes on the heels of the revelation that U.S. national security advisor Mike Waltz, who operates from the West Wing, inadvertently added a journalist to an encrypted group chat discussing a to-the-minute breakdown of when F-18s would take off and hit Houthi targets. Secret Service is now looking into improving both physical and digital security at the White House.
Mere hours after the group chat embarrassment became national news, police spotted someone moving in what was thought to be an old tool shed outside the White House. "The subject was delirious and asking for 'parmesan cheese' reported Secret Service agent Ben Rogers. "We discovered a makeshift bed, a hot plate, and assorted food and water supplies that have apparently been stashed away over a lengthy period of time. He's been here a while."
Hunter Biden reportedly became belligerent upon being questioned by the police. "This is my dad's house, I'm telling you,"said Biden. "Come on guys, don't get so rough. Bro, can you do me a solid and at least check the West Wing for a little baggie I dropped?"
At publishing time, Hunter Biden was busy listing paintings on Etsy to raise funds for a nicer toolshed across town and maybe a little bit more parmesan cheese.
Meet Juan. He came to this country with a dream to commit crime. This is his story.
