AUSTIN, TX — As he launched through the air off the G-Force Burnout Set Launcher Ramp, Governor Greg Abbott wondered aloud why a Democratic Representative had referred to him as "Hot Wheels."
Careening down a bright orange track before being accelerated by motorized wheels on either side, Abbott couldn't help but feel the "Hot Wheels" label to be nonsensical.
"I just don't understand it," said Abbott, as he settled into a Multi-Loop Booster Track for his morning commute. "How in any way do I remind someone of a Hot Wheels car? I can't figure out the connection. It makes no sense."
Frustrated by the enigmatic nickname, Governor Abbott hopped onto a Criss Cross Crash Set, pondering as he made several figure eights. "Hot wheels, hot wheels," Abbott ruminated, zipping around the track. "I can't make heads or tails of it. So bizarre."
At publishing time, Abbott had launched his way home on the Corkscrew Twist Kit, still puzzled as ever.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
