DALLAS, TX — A new industry report released Thursday concluded that Chili's persistent reputation problem is due to it being truly awful.
Researchers attempted to discover the reason for Chili's poor standing by surveying loyal diners, former employees, and the hobos who like to hang out in the Chili's parking lot. The results demonstrated that the negative perceptions attached to the restaurant are primarily a result of it being bad.
"It appears that the driving force behind Chili's branding problem is that it sucks," said study leader Fran Townsend. "People rate the food as low-quality, which appears to mainly be due to it being cheap garbage. The good news is that, in order to improve its standing, we believe Chili's would need only to address one issue: stop being terrible."
According to respondents, most ended up dining at Chili's because a friend suggested going there. "It's not so bad that you would physically fight someone who wanted to go there," said survey taker Gary Marsh. "You might get into a verbal altercation about it, sure. Those chicken crispers will mess you up. But they do have that catchy little jingle about their crummy ribs. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. You can't help but sing it."
At publishing time, Chili's had decided to just keep being bad, as it's been working for 50 years.
We Asked AI To Show That Sydney Sweeney Would Be Just As Attractive If She Dressed More Modestly
