Another Church Nursery Fails Mother's Modest 750-Point Inspection

CHARLESTON, SC—A local mother has crossed Pointeview Community Church off her church shopping list, as the church became the latest local congregation whose nursery failed her “modest, completely reasonable” 750-point inspection, sources confirmed Thursday.

The woman, Hannah Draper, reportedly arrived to the church building Sunday morning over a half-hour early and immediately asked to see the nursery.

Her inspection process, which usually takes somewhere between forty-five minutes to an hour, began right away, with Draper carefully examining the church nursery, rating the nursery in hundreds of categories before assigning the facility a pass or fail grade.

“So, have you guys ever even read the South Carolina Building Codes, or is it just that you hate children?” she reportedly asked a bewildered nursery worker, shaking her head as she wrote something down on the third page on her clipboard. “And are those store brand saltines? How quaint.”

After Draper’s inspection ended, the church had failed miserably with a score of 697 out of a possible 750 points, thanks in part to a Kool-Aid stain near the restroom and a lack of organic juice for the children.

According to Draper, she’ll be checking out the last remaining church within a 100-mile radius next Sunday, clipboard in tow. “I bet these churches are really happy to receive my expert input,” she said.

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