NEW YORK, NY—Comic book artists are so inspired by Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York that they have decided to turn her into a superhero. The new comic is titled Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: 12 Years to Midnight.
"We wanted to build a religion around her but we felt like we should start with baby steps," said one of the artists on the project, Kent Wimbley (she/her).
While the publisher, Golden Gulag Comics, has kept art from the comic tightly under wraps, The Babylon Bee has received an exclusive first look of four panels from the upcoming series. Watch out, Avengers, there's a new superhero in town!
This is where the comic starts off. With wisecracks reminiscent of Peter Parker himself, the fearless congresswoman has taken to the skies, punching carbon-spewing airliners and sending them plummeting to their doom. Take that, pollution! It only gets better from here...
New York is overtaken by Cowpocalypse! The dreaded fart-cannon wielding bovine uses its own toxic flatulence to systematically destroy the Earth. Ocasio-Cortez’s doom timer begins counting down a mere twelve years before Cowpocalypse has obliterated the planet in a misty cloud of death.
Later, after battling an army of ninja-croissants using parts from an unassembled Ikea dresser, Ocasio-Cortez is caught off guard by her arch-nemesis, the Economist. Mild-mannered Thomas Sowell has created a mutant horror who wields the power of Ocasio-Cortez’s greatest weakness: basic economics! But—spoiler alert—that’s not the end!
In the nick of time, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez acquires the fabled Inclusivity Gauntlet, which contains the six social justice gems, giving her the power of a god. With this power, Ocasio-Cortez does what any benevolent deity would do: she wipes out half of the country in order to bring about a new age of peace, kindness, and free stuff.
The creators say there is more to come in the follow-up series, AOC: The Dark Age Returns.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: 12 Years to Midnight hits comic shops today and is sure to be a smash hit with fans of comics, democratic socialism, and those who hate math.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.