Amy Klobuchar Emerges From Team-Building Exercise Caked In Blood

WASHINGTON, D.C. - To tackle morale problems, Senator Amy Klobuchar reportedly asked her staff to attend a meeting in a Capitol Hill conference room for a team-building exercise. The idea was for the team to perform a number of exercises to build trust and camaraderie to help with Klobuchar's presidential campaign. Shouts and cries of agony could be heard emanating from the room, according to frightened bystanders who quickly fled the scene. After the event had concluded, the only one who emerged from the conference room alive was Klobuchar, who was covered in blood and muttering, "Idiots. Idiots." Klobuchar has a reputation for being very tough with and demanding of her staff, but she declared the exercise a success and said she expected "no more problems with those particular staff members." She then proceeded to eat a salad alone, stabbing at it with a sharpened screwdriver.