U.S. — Lawmakers and powerbrokers across the United States were proud to announce that America's transition to being an idiocracy is currently running far ahead of schedule.

The shift has been in progress for several decades but has made significant advancements in recent years, with many members of Congress now fully on board and operating as key members of the country's idiocratic government.

"We've become morons much more quickly than we anticipated," said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. "Though it initially seemed like an impossible feat, our hard work to turn the United States into a nation governed by total imbeciles is nearly complete. We've succeeded in weeding out the country's best and brightest and replaced them with drooling dolts. There's now light at the end of the tunnel. The dream of a nation run entirely by idiots is within reach."

Proponents of the transition to idiocracy cited the recent statements made by Texas Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee regarding the moon and sun as clear evidence the plan is ahead of schedule. Jackson Lee offered a brief comment on the incident. "What I said is correct," she explained. "Once you realize that cars are made of cheese and rain is actually falling tears from crying birds, everything else makes sense."

At publishing time, Jackson Lee had proposed a plan for NASA to launch a mission to colonize the sun.