SPRINGFIELD, MO — After being presented with evidence, local conspiracy theorist Sam Baxter changed his mind, rationally thinking things through and coming to a more logical conclusion.
Baxter quickly abandoned his prior position, admitting that it was no longer tenable, upon an unbiased examination of the actual evidence.
"I had believed this for years, but I didn't let that bias my thinking," Baxter explained. "Someone showed me primary sources of evidence, I verified them independently, and then I worked logically through each premise and conditional statement. Realizing I had been mistaken, I simply accepted the truth."
Friends stated that Baxter quickly updated his beliefs, humbly accepting evidence that contradicted his prior claims. "Sam didn't reinterpret contradictory evidence as proof of an even deeper conspiracy. He examined it rationally and admitted he was wrong," said friend Mark Garrison.
Witnesses described the incident as "deeply unsettling," noting that Baxter listened without interrupting, asked clarifying questions, and even thanked the person for correcting him.
"It was horrifying," said neighbor Greg Cooper. "He didn't accuse anyone of being a paid shill, a government plant, or a lizard person. He just... updated his beliefs. I've never seen anything like it."
According to friends, Baxter then spent the remainder of the afternoon deleting inaccurate social media posts, issuing polite corrections to people he had previously persuaded, and apologizing for spreading information that turned out to be false.
At publishing time, fellow conspiracy theorists had announced that Baxter's change was clearly the result of a government mind-control program.
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.
