U.S. — In one of the most remarkable miracles in human history, the thousands of bump stocks that went missing seven years ago in boating accidents all simultaneously washed ashore and have been reunited with their owners.

"Wow, my bump stock washed ashore! And just a day after the Supreme Court ruling overturning the ban!" said local man Omar Gonzales. "What's even crazier, my neighbor Bill also lost his in a boating accident in 2017, and his bump stock also washed ashore this morning. It's a miracle!"

Across the nation, tens of thousands of Americans reported similar shocking experiences. "It's the darndest thing," said local man John Robinson. "Every single one of my buddies at the gun club said their bump stock washed ashore today, still in great condition. What kind of natural phenomenon does that? It's almost as weird as when everyone I knew lost their bump stocks in boating accidents back in 2017. What an amazing coincidence."

At publishing time, experts had warned that Biden's attempt to ban AR-15s could lead to another horrific epidemic of boating accidents.

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