Church Sets Record for Shortest Black Worship Service At 4 Hours, 52 Minutes
Church · Jan 20, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

MOBILE, AL — The Second Baptist community was in shock last Sunday after setting a record for the shortest Black church service in history. The service, which lasted just four hours and fifty-two minutes, was led by the church's new pastor, Rev. Ralph Washington Jenkins.

According to Rev. Jenkins, the shortened service was not intentional. "We had a few technical difficulties and had to skip a few things," Jenkins said. "Also, I had some caffeine that morning and spoke faster than usual. I apologize for any confusion or frustration this unusually brief service may have caused."

The change was met with mixed reactions. Long-time member Mary Johnson said, "I've been going to church for sixty years and I've never experienced a service this short. It was strange. I thought there was something wrong with my watch."

"I've been coming to this church for 30 years and I've never felt the need for a shorter service," said welder Patrick Owens. "I don't think it's necessary to change something that's been working for so long."

Some worshippers liked the change, however. "Seven hours is a bit long," said churchgoer Patricia Davidson. "Four hours and fifty-two minutes is probably too short, but maybe there's a happy medium."

The prior record, six hours and seventeen minutes, was held by First Baptist in Jackson, Mississippi.


DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions

Here are the top 10 most useless positions that they'll target

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now