NASHVILLE, TN — Former Vice President and climate activist Al Gore has had trouble in recent years getting people to listen to his dire warnings about the coming climate apocalypse. In a last-ditch effort to make people notice him again, he is now touring the country dressed as a teenage girl from Sweden.
Now named Alda Goreberg, the fresh-faced climate spokesperson is making waves across the country.
"The end is near! The end is near! We have until nine years ago to stop the polar ice caps from melting!" cried Alda Goreberg, now sporting braided hair. "Stop having kids! Start eating bugs! Stop having electricity! HOW DARE YOU!"
Thanks to his new look, Goreberg has finally amassed a following of devoted fans excited to hear what a Swedish teen has to say about what the climate will be in 120 years.
"You know, this girl really makes sense," said one attendee at one of Goreberg's many speaking events. "I wasn't really worried about the climate, but when she screamed 'HOW DARE YOU!' at me, I finally saw the light. Plus, she's Swedish. Those Swedes know what they're talking about."
At publishing time, another climate activist named Greta Thunberg announced she is now a trans man in hopes of getting people to start listening to her again.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
