WASHINGTON, D.C. — Important preparations were in full swing in the nation's capital today, as White House aides were seen attaching marionette strings to President Joe Biden just hours ahead of tonight's State of the Union address.

Witnesses reported seeing staffers hurriedly fastening the strings to various points of the president's body to ensure his movements would be as lifelike as possible while giving his speech.

"Hopefully this makes it seem like he's alive," one aide was heard saying as he attached the end of one string to Biden's right elbow. "It's worked for the other State of the Union speeches he's given the last couple of years, so we'll keep our fingers crossed that everyone will be fooled again. It gets more challenging each year."

The professional special effects team employed by the White House worked around the clock to prepare for the speech, with the full production staff of writers, makeup artists, puppeteers, and CGI engineers making a herculean effort to make this year's address the most realistic and believable presentation yet.

"We're using a combination of practical and computer-generated effects," said one member of the team. "This way, the people who are actually in charge of the country can make sure Joe conveys the exact message they want everyone to hear. Even though I've been working in the field for years, it's always fascinating to see a production of this scale."

At publishing time, the team had hurried off to their meeting with the puppeteers from Sesame Street to go over how to make Biden's performance as believable as possible.

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