WASHINGTON, D.C. - In the aftermath of Kyle Rittenhouse being found "not guilty", Leftists are furiously calling for blood. To satisfy the insatiable rage of progressives who thought Rittenhouse should have been imprisoned for life, Biden killed the turkey that he was going to pardon on the White House lawn.
"I'm shocked and disturbed by this verdict. I'm just so spittin' mad!" said Biden as he held a large axe above the innocent turkey. "If Kyle isn't gonna get what he deserves, well, then I'll kill this turkey!"
Biden swung the axe down on the bird's head, causing the gathered liberal crowd to chant "Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!"
Legal experts say the turkey sacrifice should be enough to satiate the leftist desire for carnage and mayhem, otherwise known as "social justice", for a little while.
Leftist blood-rage is expected to return when PS5s are in stock this Black Friday.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
