ANAHEIM, CA — The effects of a struggling U.S. economy are starting to be felt in unexpected places, as heavy layoffs at Disney have now left Snow White with only three dwarfs in her entourage.
"These types of decisions are always so difficult," said Disney CEO Robert Iger. "With the way things have been going economically, and more specifically with regard to our revenue, cuts have to be made. It just wasn't feasible to keep all seven of Snow White's dwarfs."
Once the dust had settled, only Doc, Happy, and Bashful were still employed. "We had to go through each dwarf on a case-by-case basis," Iger said. "Happy is happy. Bashful is quiet and easygoing. Doc has a Ph.D. That made the rest of the cuts easy to make."
Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, and Sneezy were notified and given a brief moment to say their goodbyes to everyone before being escorted off the property by security. They are now rumored to be living comfortably on unemployment benefits. The remaining dwarfs were reportedly in discussion with Snow White as to how to handle the distribution of workload without their comrades.
At publishing time, while the laid-off dwarfs were witnessed walking away singing "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to find work we go," Disney was rumored to now be considering selling off at least 90 of the 101 Dalmatians.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
