TORONTO - An embarrassing crime wave has taken Toronto by storm as criminals, emboldened by Canada's ban on handguns, have begun holding up businesses armed with nothing but finger guns. Tim Hortons, a popular Canadian cafe, is reportedly among the hardest hit.
Authorities confirm that the cashiers of Tim Hortons are routinely held at finger-point and forced to empty hundreds of dollars into cartoonish money bags. By the time police arrive on the scene the robbers are long gone.
"It's absolutely terrible," said Constable Evans. "Since these thieves are using finger guns there's no chance of them leaving additional evidence at the scene. No dropped weapons. No serial numbers are visible on security cameras. Nothing!"
The mayor of Toronto is advising citizens not to attempt defensive finger guns. "Don't stoop to their level," said Mayor Tory in a public address. "We don't want to make matters worse, eh?"
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau could not be reached for comment as he was in hiding again, though rumors indicate he may be requiring special licensing for the use of finger guns which his office believes will put an end to the violent crime spree.
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