WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sources in Washington are reporting that after being named as the new chairman of the Senate Budget Committee, Bernie retreated into a quiet office to sit at the computer and quickly Google "what is a budget?" 

"I was shocked, quite frankly, by what I found," said the 79-year-old senator. "Budgets seem to be a way to limit your spending to keep it below your income--and that's just inhumane. A limit on spending is a limit on your humanity. My first act as Committee Chair will be to abolish these horrible things called 'budgets.'"

Sanders is proposing a new approach to congressional spending that will place a much more humane limit of "infinity" on federal spending until all America's problems are completely solved. AOC has proposed an even more humane spending limit of "double infinity." 

"I'm shocked no one has thought of this before," said Sanders. 

Senate Republicans have announced they are pretending to be shocked at Bernie's move to eliminate limits on federal spending, and promised to pretend to oppose it with everything they have. 

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