HOLLYWOOD, CA - Hundreds of Hollywood actors have come forward, vowing to boycott filming in Georgia in favor of places that actually respect human rights and whose values align with theirs, such as the Xinjiang region of China.
Hollywood executives scoured the globe for the best alternative location, ultimately going with China on the recommendation of former actor Mark Hamill. According to Hamill, "After intense reading on Twitter, I've learned that in China, there are NO voter ID laws. And guess what, you dumb Republicans - there has never been a single recorded case of fraud! Until Georgia can be a little more like China, we need to do the right thing and make Georgians suffer."
Beijing has generously offered American companies major tax breaks to come film in the region. Additionally, Xinjiang is ideal for filming scenes set in prisons or labor camps, as China has offered ultra-realistic, pre-built sets for these kinds of scenes. They even come with free actors for use as extras, each of whom has been trained to act like they're being really oppressed.
"One day, when Georgia is more like China, we may return," said Hamill. "But for now, you can look for us in China."
At publishing time, Alyssa Milano had joined the boycott, saying she would not be starring in any movies you have ever heard of until Georgia changes their election laws. "And maybe even for some years after that."