GREENVILLE, SC — This week, local man Connor Servaprof was excited when an acquaintance at a cookout asked him what it's like working as an accountant. Mistaking the inquiry for a genuine interest in the finer details of accounting, he began to regale the unfortunate man, failing to perceive his panic as he realized his polite question was being taken seriously.
"It's a common misconception that all accounting is tax accounting," said Connor, puffing his chest out as he began explaining the importance of accuracy in assessing profit-and-loss statements for business accounting. Sources confirmed that he failed to notice the man's eyes glaze over as he scoffed out "and don't even get me started about people who don't know the difference between bookkeepers and accountants!"
Eyewitnesses say that the man's panic became more visible as Mr. Servaprof elaborated on the differences between project accountants, forensic accountants, management accountants, and investment accountants. Sources say he glanced around with increasing urgency, trying to catch the eye of a third person to loop into the conversation for either a handoff or a subject change, but was not rescued from the hostage situation as the other partygoers were fearful of being captured as well.
At publishing time, Mr. Servaprof realized that the question was just a probe to find a more interesting conversation topic, but eyewitnesses say the man's eyes had rolled back in his skull and he had begun frothing at the mouth just as the controllership, internal audit, and managerial accountant summary had moved into its second overtime.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
