ABC Announces New Fundamentalist Mormon Bachelor Where Every Girl Gets A Rose Every Time

HILDALE, UT—ABC is excited to announce its new fundie Mormon-friendly version of the highly popular reality TV show The Bachelor.  The show’s inaugural season will follow Benjamin Maxwell, a fundamentalist Mormon bachelor from a small town in Utah, in his quest to find the perfect group of wives.  

The series will follow a similar structure to the original, non-Mormon version of The Bachelor, with a rose ceremony concluding each episode.  Traditionally, the rose ceremony is meant to eliminate women from the contest: if the bachelor hands you a rose, you stay in the game, if he doesn’t, you’re not going to be his wife, and you are asked to leave, usually crying by this point.  

But the fundamentalist LDS spinoff is different: every girl gets a rose every time, and by the end of the show, the group of 31 make up one big happy family.    

“I’m really looking forward to it,” Benjamin Maxwell exclaimed.  “I mean, when you have the chance to date all of these girls, 30 girls, and then have them all as your wives, wow, I can’t even explain how it feels.  Everyone at my FLDS church is going to be so proud!”

The women are equally excited.  Amanda Leoni, who is from a small town in Utah, told us it’s “a once in a lifetime chance, and she wouldn’t miss it for the world.”  Another contestant, Missy Bradford, who is from a small town in Utah, said Joseph Smith came to her in a dream and told her The Bachelor: FLDS Edition was her pathway to the celestial kingdom.  Stephanie Jeffress, who wouldn’t tell us where she was from, so we are just guessing she’s from a small town in Utah, simply cried tears of joy at the opportunity.

The Bachelor: FLDS Edition will be aired on Tuesday night instead of the traditional Monday slot, allowing Mormons of all sects to enjoy family night uninterrupted.  In an official statement, ABC said they are open to all kinds of Mormon viewers, “but we do understand that new-age Mormons may not care for the show, so no pressure.”   

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