'A Man’s Home Is His Castle,’ Says Man Sitting Under 25 Floral Throw Pillows
Life · Jun 21, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

PALMDALE, CA - This week, local man Joseph Briones gave a rousing speech to his family about his role as king of his home. During his monologue, Briones cast a compelling vision of male leadership, all from under 25 floral pillows on the couch.

"A man can do whatever he wants in his own four walls - he reigns supreme and unchallenged on his property." Mr. Briones pawed away one of the small pillows encroaching on him while he spoke. "Provided everything gets approved by the missus, nobody can tell a man what to do in his castle!"

Eyewitnesses confirm that notes of lavender and cat dander wafted through the air, causing Briones to have an explosive allergic reaction. "I'm a bit allergic to cats, so we only have four - yes siree, my wife is lucky I'm so permissive in my domestic rule of this mighty domain!"

Sources confirm that Briones further elaborated that his work-from-home setup was yet another part of his castle where he alone reigned as King. "I like to have two desk monitors, so I can work with my spreadsheets - so naturally I have only one since my wife said a second monitor just looks obnoxious!" Reports say that when Briones says "home office" he means the 3x5 feet section of the basement where he works, which has also been decorated with floral themes and essential oil diffusers.

At publishing time, Briones finished cleaning out his garage to make way for another shipment of throw pillows.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.