9 Times Chick-fil-A Employees Saved A Customer's Life In The Drive-Thru
Life · Oct 1, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer's life in the drive-thru:

  1. A drive-thru worker in Tampa, Florida once performed an emergency appendectomy using the plastic gardening tools that come with the kid's meal - The scar reportedly reads "my pleasure".
  2. Jennifer, a cashier in Fresno, fought off attempted carjackers using only a straw - Sources say this humble employee was the actual inspiration for the John Wick franchise.
  3. One fabled Chick-fil-A employee from Colorado dove through the window to jump on an actual grenade - Fortunately, he lived, as the suspenders are grenade-proof.
  4. In December 2019, an employee at a Cheyenne, WY location judo chopped Chick-fil-A Sauce into the eyes of a starving, rabid bear - Simply part of standard drive-thru training.
  5. Chad, a 16-year-old employee in Chino Hills, CA, slayed a rampaging giant with a nugget fired from a slingshot - Five nuggets per kid's meal, just like the five stones David took to battle Goliath. No coincidence.
  6. A good Samaritan Chick-fil-A worker once stopped your mom from getting any more milkshakes - Oooooooo!
  7. A worker at a Topeka Chick-fil-A, Sarah, fended off an army of orcs while cradling a tired mom's colicky newborn in March of 2012 - This feat nearly earned her "employee of the month", but it was the second time it had happened that month, so Brad won instead. Darn it, Brad!
  8. Lucas in Maryland provided free marriage counseling to a couple that was about to wind up on Dateline - That spicy chicken deluxe saved an unsuspecting husband from winding up in a wood-chipper.
  9. Last but not least, Stu in Cleveland, Ohio, once defused a nuclear bomb some Libyans had brought through the drive-thru in their box truck - He gave special agent Jack Bauer the easiest 24 hours of his natural life.

Thank you, Chick-fil-A employees! You are like Marvel heroes, except with delicious chicken and far better dialogue.

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