As usual, the vicious right-wing media is dragging another noble, upstanding Democratic politician through the mud with false allegations. It can sometimes be difficult to discern the truth about these great liberal leaders from all the lies of dangerous conspiracy theorists.
Thankfully, The Babylon Bee is here to provide the following list of clear signs Joe Biden is obviously innocent.
- He's a good family man who talks to 6 grandchildren every day: That's almost all of them.
- He raised an honest, law-abiding American citizen in Hunter Biden: Joe is every bit as innocent as his son.
- He is mentally incapable of committing any wrongdoing: Because of dementia.
- He was a staunch supporter of jailing all those dangerous black men back in the 1990s: His tough-on-crime track record speaks for itself.
- If he were actually guilty, there would be hard evidence: You know, like FBI documents, whistleblower testimony, etc.
- He finds obeying the law to be just as easy as riding a bike: And what grown man has trouble riding a bike?
- Children love him: Just look at how they run away screaming when he shows up.
- Hey, look! Donald Trump has been indicted again!: Nothing to see over here. Move along.
See? Joe Biden is obviously innocent. Move along, citizen.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
