It's that "special time" of the month, your wife has that crazy look in her eyes, and you know your next words could be your last. What do you say?
The Babylon Bee is here to save the day (and possibly your life) by providing you with a handy list of great things that are always well-received by a woman on her period.
- "We're all in this together.": She'll surely appreciate this reminder that in a way, you have to suffer too.
- "Soon you'll hit menopause and won't have to deal with this anymore.": Reminding your wife of the fact that she's getting old and will soon be unable to bear children will be a great comfort to her.
- "How is this going to affect the timeliness of dinner tonight?": It's just a practical question.
- "Have you read what God said about this in Leviticus?": As a husband, your job is to impart biblical wisdom to your wife.
- "Maybe cleaning the house will take your mind off of the way you're feeling.": It's just a practical suggestion.
- "This one time, I brushed my teeth a little too hard, and a little blood came out, so I know exactly how you feel.": It's important for her to know that you can empathize.
- "Here is a 64-ounce tub of ice cream. I have set the TV to rerun shows about wives murdering their husbands. Tacos will be delivered every day at 9, 12, and 6. Also here is a large fluffy blanket. I will see you on Thursday.": ChatGPT wrote this one for us, and we think maybe the robots are on to something.
By sticking to the list above, you may very well be able to save yourself from several days of trouble. After a few days, you'll be in the clear and free to say whatever dumb stuff you want…until next month.
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Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.