NEW YORK, NY — With firearm violence dominating the news once again, CBS News sought to highlight the progress being made in other parts of the galaxy by airing an episode of the popular news magazine 60 Minutes that praised the Galactic Empire's gun control policies.
The show's episode featured a hard-hitting investigation into the positive results of the strict anti-gun initiatives enacted by Emperor Palpatine and his governing regime. According to the program's journalists, it's not unreasonable to push for similar policies in the United States.
"It's truly impressive to see what they've accomplished," said 60 Minutes reporter Leslie Stahl. "While the galaxy was once a violent no man's land governed by chaos and everyone doing whatever they wished, Emperor Palpatine has put common sense measures in place to make things far more safe and secure. The incoming Trump administration here in the U.S. would be wise to take notes. This is how a government should operate."
During the episode, Stahl interviewed top Imperial officials to learn more.
"A disarmed populace is a docile and subservient populace," said Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin. "No longer does anyone need to fear being gunned down by blaster-wielding extremists in our territories. Though there remain some lawless armed miscreants roaming the galaxy in violation of the Empire's rule, they will be dealt with soon enough. Trust us, having the Empire in possession of all weapons is in the best interests of everyone."
At publishing time, 60 Minutes had also pointed out the effectiveness of the Empire's "Order 66" in decisively wiping out all potential threats to Palpatine's rule and recommended President Biden do the same.
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