Brought to you by: Convoy of Hope
Being a Christian can be rough — especially if you're a Christian in America. Believers in other countries may have a hard time, but American Christians face challenges on an entirely different level.
The Babylon Bee is here to show solidarity with our fellow oppressed Christ followers in the U.S. by compiling the following list of ways American Christians are persecuted:
Nobody can enjoy lunch at Chick-fil-A after church: Fear not — it will be available for all eternity in the world to come.
There are only 473 different churches to choose from in a mid-sized town: That's all?
Being forced to sing added verses to beloved hymns: "My chains are gone?" What torture is this?
The closest parking space on Sunday morning is sometimes a whole 20 yards away from the building: The Bible didn't say anything about this kind of hardship.
Hello? Have you tasted church coffee?: How long, O Lord, shall your people suffer?
There are always people standing at the door greeting everyone: Nothing is worse than having to talk to people.
Having to constantly explain to people that Christianity Today isn't a Christian magazine: It's a common misconception.
All that swearing in TV shows and movies: What are you supposed to do, just not watch?
The pancakes at the men's breakfast were all gluten-free: The Lord saves his hardest trials for his most devoted followers.
There are hot girls in America, but lust is bad: Who has it worse than us?
People like to schedule travel baseball on Sundays: Forego watching 9-year-olds play baseball? The suffering never ends.
Chin up, American Christian. There is a golden crown awaiting you for everything you have to endure here. What other examples of persecution do Christians in America face? Sound off in the comments below.
NOT SATIRE: Cluck the Halls: for Convoy of Hope's 20,000 Chickens
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Leana, a Nicaraguan housewife, faced despair in 2025 when the pandemic left her husband jobless, with debts piling up. "I was scared we'd suffer," she said. Convoy's Agriculture program taught her chicken farming, and the 50 chickens she received transformed her life. She paid off debts, built a thriving farm, and found joy, saying, "Thanks to God and Convoy, I feel cheerful."
Your gift can spark the same hope for thousands. Donate to help meet our 20,000 chicken goal, turning holiday cheer into lasting impact for families worldwide this season.
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