10 Ways To Make Your Thanksgiving More Historically Accurate
Sponsored · Nov 22, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: The Tuttle Twins

We all know Thanksgiving is a time of family and delicious food, but is your Thanksgiving historically accurate? Tap into your heritage and spice up your holidays by making your Thanksgiving more true to history than ever before this year!

Here are some tips:

  1. Wait for half your relatives to die in the harsh winter before celebrating: You'll have less drama.
  2. Invite famous Native American Elizabeth Warren to bring you a deer carcass: Delicious!
  3. Make the women do all the cooking over an open hearth: And have them ditch the pumpkin pie for a historically authentic eel pie.
  4. Ask Uncle Bob to deliver a 3-hour Puritan sermon before eating: It's better than listening to his political rants.
  5. Weld an oil funnel onto your 12-gauge and go skeet shooting with your new blunderbuss: With a 10-foot spread, you can't miss!
  6. Silence the children with a swift strike upon the cheek: As was Puritan custom.
  7. Have one of the family members wear an authentic buffalo-skin loincloth and give everyone a corn-planting lesson: As long as it's not Uncle Bob.
  8. Get the COVID booster to simulate the feeling of influenza: Wow! This is just how William Bradford must have felt!
  9. Lose a couple of fingers to frostbite: Hey! You have plenty more!
  10. Show more humility and gratefulness than you ever have in your life: Man, those Puritans knew how to be THANKFUL.

Enjoy!


NOT SATIRE: You and I know that socialism doesn't work. But kids are being told the opposite every day by their teachers and in the books they are given at school.

You are right to be angry about it. Now, let's do something about it.

I wrote a series of books that help kids understand that socialism and communism have always failed and why freedom is so important. These books — the Tuttle Twins series — help teach kids about the government, economics, liberty, and much more.

Here's where I need your help — I want to distribute Tuttle Twins books to school classrooms and libraries, so when a teacher shows up ready to champion socialism, the kids in her class can discover that history has proven her wrong over and over again.

Will you help us send Tuttle Twins books to more schools before the new school year begins? It costs roughly $10 to distribute one book to a school. If you can give today, we'll do our best to get one in a school in your local area.

Click here to help us distribute more copies of the Tuttle Twins books to schools across the country, with your tax-deductible gift of $10, $50, $100, $500, or even more.

Thank you,

Connor Boyack

Author, Tuttle Twins

Founder, Libertas Institute


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