If you're like the rest of us here in the United States, you feel like the last couple of years has put you through the wringer. Let's face it — the Biden presidency hasn't been all it was cracked up to be. Too bad!
In times like these, you really end up looking back to the good ol' days. The days of so much winning and being able to afford food. With that in mind, The Babylon Bee has compiled this list of 10 things we miss the most about having Donald Trump in the Oval Office.
- Celebration of Christmas was still legal: Before Biden came along and outlawed it. Terrible.
- Everyone had a pet bald eagle: Owning at least one patriotic bird was required by law. Not anymore!
- Todd was still a dude: Remember Todd? What a bro that guy was. His name's Tanya now. We miss Todd...
- There were no major pandemics: Except for COVID.
- Alec Baldwin hadn't shot anyone and the Marvel franchise was still good: Someday we'll tell our children what life was like in the before times.
- Our backs weren't as sore all the time: Remember back when you could sneeze and not get a lower back spasm? Thanks a lot, Biden!
- Bud Light didn't turn you gay: Back then, you had to go to a public elementary school to get gay.
- The way Trump said "Chy-na": Ahhh... Chy-na. It came from CHY-NA. We could listen to that all day.
- Little Ceasars still had a Hot N' Ready pizza for $5: Now, it's like $6 or something. This is what socialism does, folks!
- Knowing that we were all safe and secure in Trump's large, very large hands: Now we've been cast out into the stormy seas of the Biden Presidency. God help us all.
Yes, those were good times. Who knows, maybe we'll see them return someday. Nah, don't be silly. World War 3 is sure to break out well before the 2024 election. It sure is fun to dream about though, isn't it?
World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.