You don't need to be a boring he/him anymore! Now you can wow your friends and jazz up your life with new winter catalog pronouns!
Here are the most exciting pronouns you can try out today:
- I/Me: Drop the pretense. Your pronouns aren't about social justice or an imaginary identity. They're about you.
- Trump/Won: OOOOOHhhhhhh! Libs owned!
- Doe/Deer/Female Deer: Great if you're 16, going on 17.
- Free/Assange: Did you know he's still sitting in a jail cell awaiting extradition to America where he's facing charges of journalism?
- Thing 1/Thing 2: For when you identify as human-like twins who fly kites indoors.
- Ross/Rachel: Pick "Ross" if you thought Ross and Rachel were on a break, pick "Rachel" if you thought they weren't. Can be fluid.
- Legion/Legion-self: You are many, and also sometimes identify as swine.
- Holly/Jolly: The war on Christmas is an attack on you. Also, you are fat.
- Unpronounceable Sound/Slightly Longer Unpronounceable Sound: You are Justin Trudeau, or a dolphin.
- Needs/Jesus: We all do.
NOT SATIRE: A message from Candace Owens, the Co-Founder of the BLEXIT Foundation!
Woke radicals are attacking the nuclear family and dividing Black America. Our education system is brainwashing students in urban communities to believe in a culture of victimhood, despise America, and embrace an anti-family woke ideology.
That's why I co-founded the BLEXIT Foundation. The BLEXIT movement is the "Black Exit" from the victimhood mentality brought on by the brainwashing of the media and public education system. My organization empowers young minorities with a message of Faith, Family, and Freedom.
Please help me fight back against these radicals by empowering young people with our message. I'm asking the Babylon Bee readers to help me raise $10,000 for the BLEXIT Foundation. You can donate $10, $50, $100, $500, $1,000 or even more by clicking here.
Thank you so much for your support!
Candace Owens
Co-Founder
BLEXIT Foundation
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.