In his latest move to democratize the popular social media app, Elon Musk said he would use Twitter polls to make policy decisions at Twitter, following this announcement with a poll asking if he should step down as head of Twitter. He lost by a wide margin, but has yet to name his successor – but as a 4-D chess savant, we know he must have a shortlist. Here are our 10 best guesses as to who they are:
- An unpaid intern with neuralink installed: The only question is around who is on the other side!
- Al Gore: This would be his biggest contribution to the internet since he invented it!
- Twitter mob: Known for being even-handed, farsighted, and merciful, we believe this would be the best option.
- Hot New Italian CEO Paragio Agrawalliccio: This highly-qualified applicant submitted their interest on the same day that former CEO Parag Agrawal was ousted. Helpful timing!
- Bob LinkedIn: Famed founder of LinkedIn, with his running mate being Tom Myspace, founder of Myspace!
- Whoever can remove Elon's phone from the stone: It's the only way to find out who's worthy.
- All 37 of his kids: And that's only including his current offspring – imagine what the future holds!
- Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales: He's really good at begging for money, which might help with revenue.
- A fully self-driving Tesla: It will hand down solemn directives by driving to different letters arranged in a large parking lot. Wait, is this a Tesla Ouija board??
- God: Come to think of it, he might be the only one we can trust with this one.
Who do YOU think would be the best successor to Musk? Let us know in the comments – we may abide by the results and DM them to him in our secret group chat!
Babylon Bee subscriber Apis satiricus contributed to this report.
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