It happens to everyone — sometimes, despite your best efforts, you end up being late to church. Though the grace of God is vast, the grace of your pastor may not be, so coming up with good excuses for being late for church can be important.
The Babylon Bee is here to save the day by providing you with the following list of the best excuses you can give your pastor when you're late to church:
"I prayed too long this morning and lost track of time": Sometimes you end up being late because of how super-duper-spiritual you are.
"My children attempted to murder each other": This typically happens every Sunday morning before church.
"We had 32 shoes but they were all left feet and we couldn't find any of their matches": With enough children, it's entirely plausible.
"I was making godly, biblical memes about the Bible and stuff": You do know that the ability to create spicy memes is a spiritual gift, right?
"I had to own some libs on Facebook": Doing the Lord's work.
"The last shall be first": You were just trying to follow the words of Jesus and be the last one to church.
"Greta Thunberg was sitting in the road": Should someone be expected to run over protesters? How dare you?!
"I'm not here this week, but I'm actually getting here REALLY early for next week": You're getting to church a full week before the pastor even shows up. Way to go!
"I was caught up to the Third Heaven": Your pastor will be in so much awe that he'll forget you were late.
"I have a wife": Say no more.
Rattle off one or more of the excuses listed above, and you'll be golden. Become a master of the late-to-church excuse, and you can just show up whenever you want.
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