SAVANNAH, GA — All three and a half minutes of leaked footage from CNN's pre-recorded interview with Kamala Harris and Tim Walz broke the internet this morning, revealing that Walz spent the entire duration of the interview making balloon animals to distract the interviewer from Kamala Harris.
The video showed Walz furiously constructing elaborate animal shapes out of balloons in a desperate attempt to avoid having Harris answer any questions.
"Oh, look, here's another one!" Walz desperately shouted around two minutes into the interview. "Hey, eyes on me, eyes on me! I have a balloon! It's an ELEPHANT and it's RED! No… quit looking at her — it's me. I can do a platypus, too! Don't you want to see a balloon platypus?"
The tactic seemed to have successfully kept CNN interviewer Dana Bash from asking any questions of Harris due to being magnetically drawn to Walz's antics every time she would start a question.
"Vice President Harris, the economy and border are… what's that, Governor Walz? Whoaaaaaa!" CNN anchor Dana Bash said. "Wait — is that a stegosaurus?! How do you even make those?"
While conservative political commentators have attacked the leaked interview as a "joke softball pillow fight," the Harris/Walz campaign reportedly breathed a sigh of relief after seeing the footage.
"Wait, that's it? No other gaffes? And she didn't even cackle?" asked campaign staffer Gayle Quimbly. "Thank God!"
At publishing time, attendance at Harris rallies was expected to see a sharp increase into triple digits after Tim Walz promised to show off his balloon animal skills to anyone who could sit through an entire Kamala speech.
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