WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Squad met on Capitol Hill Wednesday to honor their fallen member, Jamaal Bowman, with a solemn 21 fire alarm salute.
"We are here to honor Jamaal, or Jam Jam, as I like to call him," said a tearful Rep Ocasio-Cortez. "He could really tap dance with the best of 'em."
The Squad chose to honor him with a fire alarm salute because of his propensity for pulling fire alarms to delay votes.
"He was well known for pulling fire alarms and hating the Jews," Rep Omar said. "I'm going to miss him so much!"
"Rest in power, Bowman!" Rep Pressley said, holding her fist up in solidarity with his antisemitism.
Bowman, who lost his primary election and is as good as dead, will be standing awkwardly in state in the Capitol rotunda for the next week as colleagues come to pay their respects — as is customary for failed politicians.
According to sources, Bowman has privately speculated that he lost against his primary challenge because he just didn't hate the Jews quite enough.
Jamaal Bowman is survived by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, Rashida Tlaib, Cori Bush, Greg Casar, Summer Lee, and Delia Ramirez.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
