CVS Clerk Reminds Looter To Enter Rewards Number Before Fleeing

Crime · Jul 24, 2026 · BabylonBee.com
Image for article: CVS Clerk Reminds Looter To Enter Rewards Number Before Fleeing

SANTA MONICA, CA — According to sources, a CVS employee kept a clear head amid the chaos of a recent "smash and grab" event on Friday, being sure to helpfully remind a looter to enter his rewards number before fleeing.

CVS Clerk Michael Roman was awarded Employee of the Month for his hard work reminding looters to input their rewards information before running from police.

"Hi, do you have a rewards number with us? Please make sure to enter it before you leave so you can earn points on everything you steal!" Roman reportedly told a masked man stuffing razor blades down his pants.

"Remember, CVS stands for 'Care' because all our customers are special — even looters," Roman later told authorities, invoking a correction from his supervising manager. "No, it doesn't," he said. "It stands for Consumer."

CCTV footage also recorded the moment Roman confronted a looter who assaulted the pharmacist and stole a box of painkillers. He kept calm and assisted the violent criminal in signing up for their rewards program.

At publishing time, CVS executives were considering that giving rewards points to looters could potentially make them want to keep looting.


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