NEW YORK, NY — Along with the announcement of a program that will provide illegal immigrants with pre-loaded credit cards, New York City Mayor Eric Adams assured migrants that if they run out of money on their prepaid debit cards, they can just rob an American citizen in person.
The announcement came as a relief to the tens of thousands of migrants who were concerned about what may happen if they burned through their taxpayer-funded free money, as they were promised by Mayor Adams that they could conveniently personally rob or burglarize Americans to replenish their funds.
"I don't want the migrants to worry," Mayor Adams said at a press conference. "These prepaid debit cards are not just a one-time payout. Once they spend all of the money loaded on their cards, they can simply resort to assaulting and holding up innocent Americans to get whatever money they need. We're cutting out the middleman and passing the opportunity to rob Americans of their hard-earned money onto you!"
One migrant reached for comment expressed tremendous gratitude. "Gracias, Senior Adams," said Miguel Rodriguez. "I was wondering how I would be able to pay my living expenses when my card loaded with money from Americans runs out, but now I know I can just find the nearest American and take their money myself! Thank you, Joe Biden!"
Mayor Adams's office declined to comment when asked if giving migrants the green light to rob Americans in person might add to the city's already significant spike in crime.
At publishing time, New York's illegal gun dealers announced they would now proudly accept prepaid debit card payments.
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