LOS ANGELES, CA — In the wake of the devastating fire that resulted in the closing of the 10 freeway, California Governor Gavin Newsom revealed investigators found evidence that the blaze was caused by climate change.
"The scourge of climate change claims yet another victim," Newsom said solemnly. "These wooden pallets, stacked as high as the dreams of migrants coming to America, were helpless against the horrific scourge of man-made climate change. I know some will claim it was fueled by piles of human refuse and drug paraphernalia set on fire by homeless arsonists, but we know better. We must not let climate change win!"
Newsom went on to decry the dangerous effect climate change has had on the city. "This fire is only a small example of a much larger problem," the governor said. "When our proud homeless population is afraid to come out of their tents at night because of the threat of spontaneous combustion due to carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, something has to be done. We will continue to fight against climate change to make our shanty towns under our freeways safe for future generations of homeless Californians!"
Newsom's staff reiterated the governor's promise to rebuild the homeless tent city underneath the 10 freeway overpass even bigger and better than it was before.
At publishing time, new information provided to investigators led authorities to suspect that a rogue, radicalized gas stove may be to blame for the fire.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
