WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the executive order to bring back mental institutions, President Trump announced this morning that he would begin by converting the entire city of Minneapolis into an insane asylum.
The new executive order aims to stem violence from people on the streets with severe psychiatric conditions, such as the population of Minneapolis.
"It's going to be a big, beautiful loony bin," said Trump of the new project. "We're going to drop a big building right on top the city to keep all the nutsos safe inside. People say it's mean, but it's really the nice thing to do for the crazies. I mean, look at these poor lunatics, standing outside in zero-degree weather, screaming and rolling around on the ground. We're doing them all a big favor."
According to Pentagon officials, the military will drop the floorless frame of an enormous building around the city limits, instantly creating the world's largest insane asylum. "It's long overdue," said a Pentagon official, on condition of anonymity. "Innocent civilians simply cannot coexist next to dangerous psychopaths like people in Minneapolis. We just need to make sure Don Lemon is still inside."
At publishing time, Trump had asked the Pentagon if they could also do the same thing with everyone else at Davos.
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