U.S. — With billionaire Mark Cuban continuing to debase himself in absolutely humiliating fashion for Kamala's campaign, Americans shuddered to think what could be in the pictures that Kamala is using to blackmail him.
"It must be so, so horrifying. Like, I can't even imagine how bad it must be for him to do this," said local man Steve Kapchinski. "I don't even want to think about it."
Speculation has risen that Harris must have proof of Cuban being on the Epstein list, which the campaign has used to blackmail Cuban into acting like a lesbian with the IQ of a tree stump. "Even if it's the Epstein list...is it worth it?" wondered local woman Sarah Hampton. "What could possibly drive a man to degrade himself like this? What cards do you have to hold to make a formerly intelligent, powerful billionaire suddenly become a brainless bobblehead for the vapidest politician in human history? It's a scary thought."
At publishing time, the nation had begun collectively begging Cuban to just own up to whatever is in the photos as his self-debasement was becoming overwhelmingly painful to watch.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
