WASHINTON, D.C. — Meet Brynleigh! It's this plucky Whitehouse intern's turn to run the country. Join us as we take a look at her busy, exciting day!
8:30 a.m. Brynleigh wakes up to a tall mocha frappachino and briefing with the Joint Chiefs Of Staff regarding the conflict in Gaza. "Oh wow! Look at all these big men in their uniforms with all those shiny medals on their coats. Let's see about sending the IDF some new hats, guys. I don't like the ones they have now, way too last season. Anyone want to split a Cronut???"
9:00 a.m. Brynleigh enjoys some meditation and Instagram time.
10:00 a.m. Brynleigh has a meeting with Janet Yellen on the economy. She's ready to go in her snazzy new chartreuse pantsuit and matching handbag. This girl has it going on! "I loved meeting with Ms. Yellen. She really knows her stuff! Jan (she told me to call her Jan!) said printing copious amounts of money is the best way to reduce inflation. She SOOOOO smart OMG."
10:30 a.m. Brunch and mimosas!
1:00 p.m. Time for a gay meeting! Brynleigh meets with the Gay-Straight-Youth-Drag-Trans Alliance of South Carolina. The Biden Administration meets with at least one gay group per day and Brynleigh is so excited to shake hands with all these fun guys in makeup and dresses. "We talked about boys and did each other's nails. There was one nice bald man wearing red lipstick who kept trying to steal my stuff…I guess that's normal!"
2:00 p.m. Brynleigh pretends to be Biden on social media. Slay, queen!
4:00 p.m. Naptime! Brynleigh settles in for the daily scheduled "Biden Night-Night Time." "If you're in charge of America, you need to rest! I got a yummy glass of warm milk in bed and Jill tucked me in with a story and a funny little request to log her into the nuclear system. That Jill is a hoot!"
Brynleigh rounds out her day with a cute little state dinner with the President of Japan and reports having a lot of fun signing half a dozen executive orders. "I loved sitting at the Resolute Desk and signing all those documents with those big words. ‘I grant absolute immunity from all prosecution for my son Hunter'...cute!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
