MALMO — People around the world sounded a celebratory cry this week, as having completed her quest to solve climate change, Greta Thunberg turned her attention to achieving peace in the Middle East.
The renowned climatological expert and professional activist rested from her finished work fixing the earth's climate problems and set her sights on bringing all nations of the Middle East together in lasting peace and harmony.
"You thought I could only tackle climate change? How dare you!" Thunberg said as she sternly admonished reporters gathered at an anti-Israel protest in Malmo, Sweden. "Nothing can withstand the onslaught of Greta Thunberg. All those who stand in my path will be destroyed. I eradicated climate change in a few short years simply by giving some speeches and sitting in the road to block traffic. I will now focus my full power on bringing about lasting peace in the Middle East. Look upon me, ye mighty, and despair!"
Upon hearing about Thunberg turning her attention toward resolving the ongoing conflict in Gaza, Israeli leaders scrambled to convene special meetings to discuss their options. "We were not expecting this," one high-ranking Israeli official said under the condition of anonymity. "We thought we had the situation well in hand, but as soon as we heard the name ‘Greta Thunberg,' our hearts froze. THE Greta Thunberg?! The impish creature that solved climate change? We may need to surrender and give Hamas whatever they ask. What other choice do we have?"
At publishing time, a coalition of Middle East nations was preparing to negotiate a peace agreement on the condition that Thunberg promises never to visit the region.
Watch how a D.E.I. consultant magically turns a video game into... well, something else entirely.