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Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air - Article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 44
Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air

CHICAGO, IL - A fifth-grade teacher at Lincoln Elementary reportedly admonished her classroom on Thursday, asking the kids to please raise their hands...

Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans - Article image
Sports · Sep 4, 2026 · 39
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...

Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 45
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity - Featured article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 56

U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Article image
Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 48
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...

Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 48
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Featured article image
JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 45
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...

Subscriber Headlines

'Grand Theft Auto' Maker Rockstar Games Sues California For Stealing Their Idea Of Open-World Crime And Chaos

Aug 28, 2026 | TwoDegreesOff


Target Apologize For Selling Cotton Clothes As It Might Remind People Of Slavery

Aug 27, 2026 | ironsakura


“Life Is Too Hard” States Man Deciding Which Of His 30 Pairs Of Sneakers To Wear

Aug 27, 2026 | LilSebastian

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Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film - Article image
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film
Entertainment · Sep 4, 2026 · 45
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism - Article image
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The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang - Article image
The Bee Explains · Sep 2, 2026 · 190
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang

Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian - Article image
Sports · Sep 3, 2026 · 86
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian

JUPITER, FL - A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asi...
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab - Article image
Politics · Sep 3, 2026 · 61
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab

NEW YORK, NY - Governor Kathy Hochul desperately tried to warn New Yorkers that Republicans were taking away women's rights, but no one in the room co...
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her - Article image
Celebs · Sep 3, 2026 · 69
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her

HELL - Feminist icon Gloria Steinem refused to allow Satan to hold the door open for her on the way into hell, in what many are calling her final act ...

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Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam - Article image
Education · Sep 1, 2026 · 77
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam

MEDINA, OH - In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed ever...
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism - Article image
Worldviews · Sep 1, 2026 · 75
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism

HELL - The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the mo...
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner - Article image
Politics · Sep 1, 2026 · 71
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner

U.S. - New poll numbers released this week showed Lindsay Clancy surging into the frontrunner position in the race to become the 2028 Democratic presi...
Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok - Article image
U.S. · Sep 2, 2026 · 64
Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok

DANBURY, CT - According to sources, a toddler has reportedly put herself up for adoption after witnessing her mother scrolling through Lindsay Clancy ...

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What Luck! Biden Finds Prewritten Answer To A Completely Spontaneous Press Question Right On His Note Card - Article image
Politics · May 23, 2024 · 93
What Luck! Biden Finds Prewritten Answer To A Completely Spontaneous Press Question Right On His Note Card

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden appeared visibly overwhelmed Thursday during an impromptu on-the-record press gaggle until he noticed the answer to...
The Future Is Finally Here: Elon Announces He Has Invented Those Glowy Power Cylinders With Handles At The Top That You Push Into A Slot And Then Turn The Handle To Lock Into Place - Article image
The Future Is Finally Here: Elon Announces He Has Invented Those Glowy Power Cylinders With Handles At The Top That You Push Into A Slot And Then Turn The Handle To Lock Into Place
Tech · Nov 11, 2024 · 83
Governor Of State People Are Fleeing From Agrees To Debate Governor Of State They Are Fleeing To - Article image
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Study: People Who Use Hashtag '#Blessed' Much More Likely To Be Blessed - Article image
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Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project - Article image
Premium · Aug 31, 2026 · 71
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project

Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed - Article image
Premium · Aug 27, 2026 · 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed

The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines - Article image
Premium · Aug 24, 2026 · 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines

Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See? - Article image
Premium · Aug 18, 2026 · 142
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See?

A good morning to you all, our fearless band of intrepid subscribers!

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