NEW YORK, NY — In the wake of his overwhelming election win that signalled a dramatic political shift in the United States, New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani was reportedly horrified to wake up this morning and discover that he now had a job.
The Ugandan-born socialist won a landslide victory on Tuesday over former Governor Andrew Cuomo, Republican Curtis Sliwa, and common sense, only to come to the stunning realization that he would now have to work.
"I didn't think this through," Mamdani reportedly told one of his aides. "I was all excited about the campaign and wanted to win, but I got so caught up in the competition that I didn't stop to think that I would end up, you know, having a job. This is terrible."
Promising handouts and government-provided living necessities built a tremendous following for Mamdani, though he now found himself in the unenviable position of not being able to just sit at home and do nothing like his supporters. "I didn't know I would have to like… do stuff," he complained to his staff. "I figured being mayor was more like an honorary title, like getting the key to the city. Speaking of, since I'm mayor now, are there actual keys to the city? Like, can I get into any place I want now? That would be cool. But, yeah, I really don't want to actually do any work."
At publishing time, Democratic Party officials assured Mamdani that if he were to ever be elected to the U.S. Congress, he could finally have a position where he would never have to work.
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