Church U.S. Study
Worship Leaders With Ripped Jeans Show Significantly Higher Levels Of Authenticity, Study Finds

U.S.—According to a brand-new, peer-reviewed study published in The Christian Journal Of Worship Science, worship leaders who wear ripped, shredded, or otherwise irreparably altered jeans have shown a tendency to have much higher levels of genuineness and raw, real authenticity.

The findings, revealed Friday, confirm what worship leader experts had long thought.

“We’d theorized for years that exposing vast swathes of one’s own skin on the upper thighs, knees, and calves had to have some kind of correlation with just how legit a worship pastor is,” Dr. Wesley R. Ross of Harvard University told reporters Friday. “Now we have solid evidence—baring one’s legs is a sign of baring one’s very soul. Most intriguing.”

Nationwide, worship leaders were unsurprised by the report.

“I totally called it,” local worship leader Jeremiah “Master Chief” Peterson told reporters as he picked at his skinny jeans, attempting to enlarge the holes near his left kneecap. “I see my jeans as representative of the mask we all hide behind, you know? The real me is underneath.”

At publishing time, researchers had begun a new study attempting to find a correlation between authenticity in pastors and preaching off cafe tables rather than pulpits.

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.