MADISON, WI — According to sources, local woman Millie Barnes has begun transitioning away from being cold due to the weather and will spend the next 3 to 4 months being cold because of the air conditioning.
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-rrrrrrrr," said Barnes in a statement to the press which was barely audible due to uncontrollable shivering. "Hg-g-g-g-g-g, fffff-f-f-f-f-f-f-f ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!"
Experts say Barnes is just one of the thousands of women affected by a cruel yearly ritual in which men turn on indoor climate control to keep things at a comfortable 68 degrees — a temperature science has shown cannot sustain a woman's life.
Sources close to the Barnes family confirmed Millie will now put her winter blankets into storage to be replaced by her summer blankets. She also has plans to open windows and doors around the house while her husband is at work to ensure her survival.
At publishing time Mrs. Barnes had been rushed to the hospital after the temperature dropped below 65.
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