HARTFORD, CT—An intense one-day women’s conference on self-esteem and belonging has left local woman Jeanette Robinson convicted to her core of how awesome she is, sources confirmed.
“Everything I held dear, before this, I am now counting as garbage,” a sobbing Robinson told reporters Thursday. “I can’t believe I went so long in life with this blind spot, unable to see the light of how incredible of a person I am, and how much God needs me on His team.”
“As I turn my eyes upon how important I really am in the grand scheme of things, everything else looks, well—strangely dim,” Robinson went on, a twinkle in her eye as she updated her Twitter profile to reflect her newfound faith.
Reports from those close to Robinson also indicate the newly changed woman has been in deep thought and prayer since her return, as she continually seeks to reorient her priorities now that she realizes that it truly is all about her, thanks to the barrage of workshops, presentations, and keynote speakers that all affirmed her sense of self-importance and asked her to find “the princess within.”
“As the Apostle says, I now count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing how special and wonderful I am.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.