MILWAUKEE, WI — After hours of horrifying agony and non-stop screaming, local woman Jessica Poulter was awarded a cool trophy for giving birth without an epidural.
The entire staff of the hospital held a parade in her honor, praising her for unnecessarily enduring 17 hours of senseless pain.
"Hooray! You felt so much pain! Woooo!" shouted local nurse Ashley Simpson, blowing a kazoo. "We are so proud of you for hurting so much. It's such an amazing accomplishment, going through needless torture and screaming like a she-devil all through the night. All for this little six-inch trophy. Yippee!"
According to sources, women across the country have begun clamoring to go through unbelievably intense, excruciating pain in order to also receive a small commemorative trophy. "I don't care if I pass out from the torment, I'm going to get a trophy," said local woman Sydney Harris, as she went into the Labor and Delivery ward. "Why avoid the worst pain imaginable when you could just experience it? A tiny trophy -- that's why. It's a forever sign that I can hurt really, really bad."
At publishing time, Mrs. Poulter had still not come around to be available for comment.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
