GROVE CITY, FL — Date night for Madilynn and Murphy McMickerson started off just like every other date night when Madilynn told the server she would just have a light salad followed by her husband's entire entree.

"You know, I'm not feeling very hungry even though I'll become a ravenous bear the moment you leave with our order," said Madilynn while scanning the menu across from her nervous husband. "After the salad, I think I'll just have 79 bites of my husband's steak, potatoes, vegetables, bread sticks, side salad, soup, dessert, then finish off his soda."

Little did Madilynn know that the exact phenomenon of inhaling her husband's food after refusing to order her own was occurring on the tables surrounding her, and across the world. Wives of all ages, races, and social classes were experiencing extreme appetite loss while perusing restaurant menus, followed minutes later by the insatiable hunger of a starving hippopotamus when their husbands' entrees came into view.

Scientists are puzzled at the restaurant-triggered appetite fluctuations among wives, likening the mysterious incidents to husbands' unexplained urge to ruin conversations with puns.

At publishing time, Murphy McMickerson had died of starvation.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.